by S. Sands (Author)
What I have presented herein represents my path in life that led me to my addictive sexual behavior. It is a long path from teenage inappropriate behavior to finally acting out with my two victims when in my 60's. It further represents my path to understanding the gravity of my offending behavior and the forces I allowed to take control of my life. In no way does it excuse my behavior or lessen both the short and long term traumas that my victims have experienced and that will continue to have an impact on their lives. If I could turn back the clock, I certainly would. I know to say "I'm sorry" to my victims falls far short of what is needed to help them understand that what happened was not their fault. I take full responsibility for my actions. There is nothing I can do to take away what I have done. The only way I know how to show any more remorse is to go forward with my life, acknowledge my mistakes, and create "No More Victims." I can only hope my victims, after receiving therapy, are able to go on with their live and hold their heads up high. My purpose in writing what I have is that it might help someone else seek help before they go down the same path I did. If what I have written helps even one person change the negative direction of their life, then my effort will have been worth it. It will be a small contribution in making amends for what I did. ix
Author Biography
Writing as S. Sands, the author comes from a loving, but basically single parent home as his father passed away shortly after he turned ll. He was subsequently raised by his mother, maiden aunt, and sister. That upbringing did play a subtle part in the development of his sexual attitude. He joined the Navy and had his first sexual experience in Japan and, looking back, was a bit traumatized by it. Although tempted a number of times, did not have sexual contact until he married some six years later. However, in those intervening years, he became more and more exposed to a variety of pornography which, it turned out, greatly shaped his sexual attitude even further and, regrettably, not in a good way. His first marriage failed due in large part to his tainted view of sex derived from his pornographic usage. Upon retiring from the Navy, he returned to his home state and held various employments and did extensive volunteer work in many fine organizations including his church. Despite all the positive influence of the organizations and his church, he still could not break the hold that pornography had on him. He continued to delve into inappropriate sexual activities finally culminating in the charges that placed him in prison. During his time in prison and through the Sex Offender Program offered, he found what he considered the roots of his sexual behavior. With that knowledge he worked the program with a greater sense of understanding how he came to be where he was. During this time he also discovered the writings of Dr. Patrick Carnes, PhD and quickly identified with them and was able to define himself as a sex addict. Since his release he has been involved in Sex Addicts Anonymous to work the 12-Step program for his benefit and hopefully for the benefit of others. The reason this small book came about was through his trying to find personal stories of those who struggled with sexual issues and how they came to understand them and work on overcoming them in a positive way. Mostly he found scholarly works. Though helpful, he felt they lacked the down-to-earth approach that he felt was needed. Taking his experiences and the prison program he participated in, he applied them to the curriculum and came up this with timely book. The book shows the path he took that led him to his personal downfall. He hopes that those that read the book will see a little of themselves in it and the direction they are headed if they do not change their sexual attitude.