{"product_id":"what-the-cat-dragged-in-paperback-1","title":"What the Cat Dragged In - Paperback","description":"\u003cp\u003eby \u003cb\u003eLynda Stephenson\u003c\/b\u003e (Author)\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN is a collection of short stories, poems and personal essays. Many have been published, and most have won prizes in literary contests.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"Just quit your bitchin' and let me drive,\" college president Clarence Rally growled at his wife, Lucy, as he turned left on a one-way street marked, \"No Left Turn.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"Your attitude is irritating beyond belief,\" she snapped. Car horns blared at them. \"Do you want to get us killed?\"\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eLike a race car driver, President Rally hunkered down over the steering wheel. \"What I want is for you to stop nagging,\" he growled again.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"Then for God's sake, pay attention  You've got to get off this street \"\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"And you've got to get off my back \"\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"Well, why in God's name did you give me the map and ask for directions? You've ignored everything I've said \" \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eAn excerpt from the short story, \"A Story of An Hour.\"\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eTHE FUNERAL OF A FIRST HUSBAND\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhat do you do about your first husband's funeral?\u003cbr\u003e if you were his second wife\u003cbr\u003e and three more followed\u003cbr\u003e along with no-telling-how-many girlfriends?\u003cbr\u003e Do you wear black or another solemn color and waltz in with a flair?\u003cbr\u003e Do you send flowers or a card to the widow?\u003cbr\u003e commiserating? congratulating?\u003cbr\u003e For advice with this social conundrum, whom do you ask?\u003cbr\u003e Miss Manners? Dear Abby? Dear Ann?\u003cbr\u003e Erma Bombeck would have made a wry comment.\u003cbr\u003e Alas, she's not commenting anymore.\u003cbr\u003e If all the ex-wives and girlfriends attended the service as a herd, \u003cbr\u003e you could sit together and raise a loud lamentation\u003cbr\u003e about what a sorry son-of-a-bitch he was.\u003cbr\u003e But that would embarrass the children and grandchildren\u003cbr\u003e and one great, on the way, \u003cbr\u003e now a sizeable bump beneath your granddaughter's green jacket\u003cbr\u003e sitting at the front of the church with the rest of the family.\u003cbr\u003e Yours and his.\u003cbr\u003e So out of love for the treasured bump, \u003cbr\u003e you, along with your second husband, \u003cbr\u003e teeth clenched; both go to your first husband's funeral.\u003cbr\u003e And you might even manage to cry. A little.\u003cbr\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA friend of mine gave me a darling package of cocktail napkins. Each napkin reads, \"Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes. It's our job to stomp on them until they mature into something you would like to have dinner with.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAin't it the truth, honey.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eLast year during the holidays, this package of napkins gave me hope and inspiration. While shopping, decorating, and wrapping gifts, I entertained secret thoughts about reforming, or \"putting the stomp,\" on my husband.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI used to stomp him pretty well, but in the last few years I've gotten lax, and he isn't even close to being fine wine. Instead, he's still a messy old grape.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhat the Cat Dragged In is a collection of the funny and sad, delightful and profound. Each piece leaves us with the vibrations of this stunningly witty author, through whom it passed. Accolades, Ms. Stephenson, a standing ovation. I've read each one, over and over - and here I go again.\u003cbr\u003e Carolyn Wall, author of Sweeping Up Glass and Playing with Matches\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eNumber of Pages:\u003c\/strong\u003e 298\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDimensions:\u003c\/strong\u003e 0.67 x 7.99 x 5 IN\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePublication Date:\u003c\/strong\u003e June 14, 2019\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Books by splitShops","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":42711834558527,"sku":"9781977214010","price":33.11,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0105\/8226\/1823\/files\/17eef1f63c6db0f4b3f6695da4fd1ac7.webp?v=1765059802","url":"https:\/\/dhlswag.com\/products\/what-the-cat-dragged-in-paperback-1","provider":"BBB","version":"1.0","type":"link"}